So I’m pretty sure that I nursed A for the last time last night. Before I went to bed, I wrote this letter really quick to help me remember. I’ve said before, I’m not great with his baby book, but I’m a good letter writer :) Oh and after looking through my birth/one month folder for these pictures I decided to look at all of them before bed. All 610 of them.
Dear A,
Tonight I nursed you for what I think will be the last time. Over the last couple months, you have dropped your day feedings. Recently, we had been down to two or three times a day. This week we dropped the morning feed. I wanted to keep it up, but now, I fear that I’m just out. Tonight you had to work a little to hard to nurse.
So, before there are any tears or frustration, I think we will end things on a good note. I thought there would be more pomp and circumstance at the end, but all I feel is sad. Like sadder than I was when you turned one. The last connection that I had with you as a baby is gone. If I’m not nursing you, you don’t really like to be rocked. You want to jump out of my arms into your bed. When you are ready for bed, you are ready. I will miss our snuggle time just you and I before bed.
I’m proud of the last 12+ months we’ve had together. I was very blessed that I had a relatively easy time. I can’t believe that I was able to grow you for so long even after you were born. There were days when I just didn’t feel like nursing at all. I wanted my body back. I didn’t want to be chained down. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
My crazy active boy, don’t forget to give your mama extra lovin’ these next couple days, I think she might need it.
My heart goes out to you! I know exactly what you are feeling. When Aubrey and I decided to be done nursing, I felt like I would never be whole again. Nursing was SUCH an amazing bonding experience but believe me, you will find other ways to reconnect each day that are equally as great as nursing was. Great job for making it this far!
ReplyDeleteAwww, ((HUGS)) Mama! Our babies are growing up too fast!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet letter :)
ReplyDeleteThat's a wonderful letter, some thing to look back on! Thanks for linking up today :) Following/commenting from http://fluffimama.blogspot.com/2013/03/
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a good way to end - it was so bittersweet for us.
ReplyDeleteAww. This almost made me cry because I know I'm facing the same situation soon & I just don't wanna let go. My baby's like yours--not a cuddler unless she's nursing & I sure hope that she'll grow to like snuggles at night and in the morning sometime soon because I'll be one sad mama without it.
ReplyDeleteThis brought tears to my eyes! I haven't found breast feeding easy and in some ways it'll be a relief to give it up but I know I will be sad too when the time comes. Those snuggles are precious.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post :)
Rach @ www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com
Awe, I know the feeling, it's so heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. Mine ended like yours, they just nursed less frequently and eventually just stopped. Have fun getting your body back and not being tied down!
ReplyDeleteFound you through Mommy Moments.
Hey girl! Just wanted to let you know you are the top viewed link at the Mommy Moments Linky Party from last week. I hope you will stop by Monday to see your post featured!
ReplyDeleteAww I know exactly what you are feeling. My son self weaned at 20.5 months and I was ready for my body back, but even know 2.5 months later, I still miss the bonding and closeness that came with nursing. Hugs.
ReplyDelete